Welcome to the biggest turning point in your life! Bigger than even puberty and your loss of virginity combined! (Unless you lost your virginity the day you reached puberty - that would be pretty darn impressive.). Yet it is by no accident that you and your trusted little mouse have stumbled upon this page, for the time has finally come in your prolonged and arduous existence – to live happily ever after… after all the shit you’ve been through lifetime after F-in lifetime, that is! That’s right – you are near the end of your long and whiny road! I’m talking about the Road to Total Awareness, or as a Guru what the friggin’ hell’s his name would often refer to it as: The road where Life’s A Bitch Boulevard merges with Spiritual Perfection Avenue. (You can map it out if you have an inner world GPS device)
Half a millennium ago, a virgin camel was surprised to find herself suddenly giving birth, thinking she had just been retaining water. She was even more astonished to see a human baby emerge from her vagina. Legend has it that when the infant was halfway out, he spoke telepathically to his shocked, four-legged mother, saying: “You think you’re upset? I just spent my entire vacation in a camel’s uterus! That’s the last time I’ll ever go to “Beasts-R-Us-Timeshares.com.”
I was in deep meditation one day when suddenly I found myself being whisked out of my body and flying through the sky at a million point one miles per hour. Next thing I knew I was floating by the bedside of a dying little girl of around ten years in age. She, in her fragile, semi- conscious state, was able to see me And so I spoke to her: “What’s the matter, little girl?” She smiled in a surprisingly deep serenity and said, “I’m dying, schmuck. Please don’t tell me you’re the douchebag angel they sent!”