Forget it!

So what's all this hubbub about Gays not being able to marry? Which further begs the question: Just what is marriage, anyway?

People say - "Well, the bible says that marriage is a God-sanctioned institution that is meant only for two people OF THE OPPOSITE SEX to be united for life with the blessing of The Almighty, therefore making it Divine in nature."

Allow me, The Dalai Camel - to shed some light on this misunderstanding.

Marriage - in and of itself - is NOT divine. Marriage is strictly a man-made contract acknowledging and celebrating the bond of two people, allowing them certain financial, social and legal benefits in the process.

But we (modern man) have assumed that since this is a rite sanctioned in The Bible, then as long as we stick to the parameters laid out (1 man marrying 1 woman) - then it is a rite that is Divine in nature.

WELL HERE IS THE SPIRITUAL TRUTH!!

Marriage in and of itself is NOT divine. Look around at half (or more) of the marriages that are out there, if you don't believe me. Being legally bound to another person is not a Divine thing.

THERE IS ONLY ONE THING THAT IS SACRED AND DIVINE IN NATURE, AND THAT IS DIVINE LOVE!

Divine love can be shared from lover to lover (be they gay or straight) man to man or woman to woman (be they gay or straight), man to animal and vice versa, and even animal to animal. (There are many possible jokes here to be had, but I will mercifully spare you. And believe me - I'm full of sheep!)

If "God" were to care about anything, it is strictly the selfless love that flows from soul to soul. That is what is Divine, and regardless of whatever ceremony man wants to create to celebrate and endorse it, it is still the LOVE that is divine and NOT the institution commemorating it.

So many people spend their time and energy judging others and trying to restrict them of joy because in their interpretation of life - certain things cannot be allowed for others including the sharing of Divine Love. Yet I'm sure many of these same people probably could use a good lecture themselves on how to Flow Divine Love within their own lives... and marriages! Instead of telling others what they can and cannot do, how about devoting your energy toward loving in a much deeper way - your own damn family?!!! (Sorry, lost it there for a moment.)

Marriage - in the spiritual context - is not so much of a life-long commitment, but more of a life-long learning process in how to give fully of yourself and to feel it in your heart. Not to love superficially because you're mate is attractive - but to love them Soul to Soul for who they are on the inside, and to immerse yourself in them (and vice versa) as deep as spiritually possible.... And then when they become fat and old - toss them out the friggin' door. Just kidding!! Divine love transcends physical appearances.

So Marriage in and of itself is man-made and not sacred. It's what you do within your marriage - the flowing of Divine Love between souls - that IS sacred. Got it?

And to think that God distinguishes between love flowing from various souls is to not understand the true nature of God. There is selfless love and selfish love and everything in between. Love is Divine and it does not matter where it flows and from whom. It is like water and we all thirst for it. So stop splashing it in people's faces when they're not looking!!

So there you are. You probably have more work to do in your own backyard before you go criticizing what's on the other side of the fence.

I wish you bliss and bewilderment.

The Dalai Camel

It is a well known fact that in order to reach enlightenment, one must become completely detached to all facets of physical living.

However, the conundrum with that is in order to attain complete detachment, one must become attached to the desire to be detached. Otherwise, they won't give that much of a shit about it and will easily become forgetful about their desire to be detached. In the higher worlds - this is a syndrome known as The Blasé Blues.

So, you need to become attached to the outcome of achieving total detachment in order to achieve total detachment. Yet simply by being attached to that outcome you have defeated your own purpose.

What generally happens is that most seekers start out attached to becoming detached, and then once they're detached about almost everything in life, they then try to achieve the final test which is to become detached about being detached. Usually they start out fine. But then someone will speak loudly in the movie theater as they are trying to watch the ending of a great movie. And they will soon find themselves yelling at the person to "shut their big, fat, stupid mouth!!!" And then they realize they've become attached to having a nice movie-going experience.

So... you think enlightenment is easy? Well it ain't! That's why only a few of us have achieved it. However, there is one fantastic piece of wisdom I will share with you now that will give you the answer to the puzzle: ... Wait, I'm sorry - someone is offering me sushi right now - and I can never turn down fresh sushi, even if my house were burning down.

Not that I'm attached to fish, you see.

Why have Homo sapiens decided that it's better to be thin? Most animals would probably prefer excess fat if they had the choice. And why not! You get extra layers to survive those hard winters, you have less pressure having to kill other animals for food, and you can probably take most of your hairy friends in a horn-to-horn fight.

Yet we humans like no meat on our bones. How many hours in your life do you think you've spent depressed over the way your body looks?

Well, it may not be much - but I will offer up this little story to cheer you miserable, fat pigs up:

One day a drunken crocodile goes over to a portly woman and just as he's about to eat her, he sees that she's crying. So he asks her: “Why are you crying?” She points to a thin, beautiful woman and says, “Because I live in a world where a thin woman like that is loved and gets all the attention.

The crocodile feels sorry for her and says, “But you have so much more meat on your bones. I would greatly prefer eating you over her.” The fat woman then bursts out crying in self pity over the "so much more meat on your bones" reference. At the very last second, the croc decides to eat the skinny beautiful woman instead.

Moral of the story? No one wants to eat a despondent, fat woman – even a drunk crocodile.

There, feel better? Good! Just don't go looking in the mirror or trying on pants and you'll be fine.

So the great and honorable Noah listened to God, followed his instructions to the letter and henceforth saved all species of life for future generations to come?

I DON'T THINK SO, my Bible-believing-bimbos!

You want the real story? Well I - The Dalai friggin' Camel - am going to give you the real story!!

What happened on that lovely Monday in the past (yes - it was a Monday) was that God indeed did speak to Noah. Now Noah was over 600 years old when he built the arc, according to The Bible. How old is that? That's old enough where almost all of your body parts should have been either replaced or discarded, and string and scotch tape are holding you together.

Noah was hearing-challenged, to say the least. God, of course, can speak with great volume. But Noah still had some serious perception issues.

So here is the kicker of the story:

GOD DID NOT TELL NOAH TO BUILD AN ARC, HE TOLD HIM TO BUILD A PARK!!

That's right - a fricken' park! Actually, it was a zoo! He wanted Noah to gather as many species of animals as a 600 year old man could possibly capture, and then display them in exhibits for all of mankind to enjoy, as well as to have them reproduce (the animals, I mean).

So Noah hears "arc" and starts building a giant boat. God, meanwhile, is yelling down at Noah, "Build a park, not an arc - you deaf, old dipshit!" But Noah just smiles and nods like an idiot and keeps building his huge boat, infringing on the privacy and tranquility of his neighbors and depleting all of the local hardware stores of their wood supplies.

Meanwhile God gets furious at Noah and has it start raining upon him. But Noah keeps on building. So God has it start pouring. He's so mad he has it rain for 40 straight days on the old fart!

So because of Noah, the rest of mankind had to friggin' drown!

Meanwhile Noah mated with one of the orangutans, thinking it was just some hairy, old Jewish woman. Luckily though, there were other people around the world who were not affected by the flood, and mankind continued to thrive.

And that is how this little piece of history went down. Did I mention that Noah was NOT into bagels? Just a little fyi.